When I was trying to get my driver's license and went to the give my test for the fourth time..
I was quite famous by then and well liked too..
The driving inspector had just one question for me..
Question:
If you are going at a speed of 120 km/hr on a road which is a huge hill on one side and a deep pit on the other, and 2 ladies come on the opposite side..
One young and one old..
Who will you hit??
I wrote immediately that I'll hit the old lady.
As usual, I failed for the fifth time..
I met the inspector and asked for the reason..
He glared at me,
then took a deep,
calming breath and said..
(Scroll down and you will love the real answer...)
"For the last time I am telling you.. You'll hit the brake and not any lady!!"
The wife always had doubts on her husband. She suspected that he has an affair with his colleague. After a long fight one night, she decided to go away to a serene peaceful place for a few days, to cool off. She packed and left for a hill station the very next day.
A few hours after she had reached her destination, she got a message on her phone, from her husband. She immediately filed a divorce.
The message the husband sent to his wife: "I wish you were her"
(The message the husband intended to send: I wish you were here)
Moral of Story:
Always check your type message before sending or turn off your keyboard auto spell function.
Here's Another one...
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken back because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says,
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.
He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out!
Then one Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts.
A malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting, which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!
After years of torture she reckoned, she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and with these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
The wife fainted!!!
